compare and contrast

we got our tests back today. i glanced at mine casually. hmm. not bad. worse than usual, but not too bad. i should probably study the night before a test next time.
out of the corner of my eye, i noticed somebody staring. looking up, i saw my friend smiling at me and asking the dreaded question: "what did you get?"
now i was faced with a dillema. do i tell or not? this might not seem like such a big deal, but i knew exactly what would happen if i told her.
if her mark was even one point lower than mine, she would feel terrible. she would tell herself she was a complete idiot, and study like a madman for the next test. if she got a higher grade than me, I would probably feel pretty bad. if i didn't tell her at all, she would think that i thought she wasn't trustworthy, and didn't consider her to be a good friend. frantically, i thought, "Now i'm stuck. what do i do? somebody get me out of here fast!"
but then another thought occured to me: why did she want to see my test in the first place? what difference did it make to her how well i did in science? how did it help her at all to know which questions i answered correctly, and which ones i didn't?
why do we always feel the need to compare ourselves to others?
we do it constantly. at least, i do it constantly, and so do most other people i know. not just with test grades. with everything.
I'm walking into a party wearing a really expensive outfit that i think is absolutely stunning. then i spot someone cross the room with an even nicer outfit, and suddenly mine is ugly.
i have a nice voice, and sing all the time. then i meet someone with an even nicer voice, and i can't bring myself to sing while he's around. i sound terrible compared to him!
and very often it's the reverse. i know I'm an incredible artist. everything i draw comes out beautiful. then my friend shows me a picture he drew, and it's ugly. not because it's no good. it doesn't matter how good it is. the fact is, it isn't mine, and mine are the best, so his must be horrible.
if i think i'm prettier than you, you're ugly. if i think you're prettier than me, i'm ugly. if you're nicer than me, then i'm a horrible person. and if i'm the absolute most caring, considerate, and kind person on the planet, well then, you're an absolute monster compared to me!
those crucial words: Compared To Me. why am i comparing you to me? you are you, and i am me. we are two completely separate individuals. why would i even think of comparing us? it doesn't make any sense. if you got a higher grade than me on a test, why should that mean that i got a bad grade? what is a "bad grade" anyway? i think it's when you don't do as well as you could have. if you haven't tried as much as you could have, and you get a lower mark on a test because of it, the you got a "bad grade". NOT if you got a lower grade than the rest of the class, or a lower grade than your best friend. because that wouldn't make any sense. what's the point in comparing yourself to other people? it won't accomplish anything. all it will do is make you feel like a loser if you think they're better than you, or make you an arrogant big-shot if you think you're better than them.
so how do you know if you got a good grade on a test? or if you have musical talent? or good artistic abilities? or anything? just compare. don't compare yourself to others, because there's only one you, so that won't accomplish anything. compare yourself to your old self- the way you were a few years ago, a few months ago, or even a few days ago.
are you doing nearly as well, or even better, on this test than you did on your last one? if so, you got a good mark. is your music sounding better than it did a few years ago? then you're making progress. if you like the way the picture you drew looks, then you drew a good picture.
in the end, the only one who can change how much you're progressing is you. sure, people can help you, but you're the one actually doing it. comparing yourself to others will not make you any better or worse.
take my word for it. i have experience in that area.