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Tuesday, December 18, 2007

amazingly horrible books

nowadays, everywhere you look you see writing. everywhere! (with the exceptions of the sahara desert, the sinai peninsula, Antarctica, my toilet bowl, and other relatively uninhabited areas.) some of this writing is very good, such as interesting novels and signs that say "Warning! Quicksand Ahead!" some written works are boring but informative, like my science textbook or manuals that explain how to re-attach a doll's head if it was accidentally decapitated by a guillotine or a scotch-tape dispenser. but certain written works should never have been written at all, and it is a shame that they exist.
what do i mean by this? well, have you ever read a book titled "Farewell to Manzanar?" if you have, i'm assuming it's because you were forced to. nobody in his right mind would voluntarily read a book like that. i cannot understand how it managed to get published.
another book of this sort is titled "Heidi." i do not know the author's name, nor do i particularly care. i was forced to read this disgrace many years ago. the book contained about 400 pages, yet i can summarize the entire plot in one short paragraph:
Once upon a time, a little girl named Heidi was sent to live with her grandfather, whom she didn't like at all. after a while, she was taken to live somewhere else, where she became homesick and realized that she did like her grandfather after all. she was sent back to her grandfather, and they lived happily ever after. the end.
that's it. that is the ENTIRE BOOK!!!! why, pray tell, did that book contain 400 pages? and why is it considered a "classic"? why is it so famous? am i missing something here? that book bored me nearly to tears. i probably wouldn't read it again if you payed me.
how do certain authors come up with such horrifyingly dull plots? i have yet to meet a child who actually enjoyed reading"farewell to manzanar". and why is it that these horrible books seem to be the only ones that our schools force us to read? why can't we read (dare i even say it?) an interesting story? a book that at least some of the students might enjoy?
i don't know why, but for some reason i have a feeling that they're doing this on purpose, just to torture us.
seriously, how did these books get published? and why are they always on schools' required reading lists?
Here's the funniest thing of all: do you know what happens to all those incredibly dull books that no child would ever even think about reading voluntarily?
They get the Newberry Honor awards, of course!

26 comments:

Golda said...

Oh! How can you say that about a classic? Don't you realize what internal beuty the books you are told to read have? classic books are to die for! and how can you then say that you wouldn't read them is someone payed you?
it is manifest that you dont fathom the hidden wonders of those kind of books!

griffinrider said...

hey, golda:
what kind of joke is this?! you know, and i know, and you know that i know, and i know that you know that i know that you do NOT enjoy reading a book like Heidi. no matter how much you try to convince me, i won't believe it. it is simply impossible.
if you like "classics" so much, answeer me this: what "hidden beauty", as you call it, lies between the covers of Heidi? Hmm?

ImitationRandomFactor said...

I believe that this is primarily the fault of those that decide what books are considered classics. otherwise, they wouldnt have be come so famous. For example, the books that are hidden on the last shelf of the young adults section in the library are most probably not awarded., whic doesnt make them as famous. therefore, it is merely the fault of those approvals not the writers. maybe a certain author just has a weird imagination. and its not there fault we have to suffer the consequences of being assigned to read it as homework. stressing this point again, rather those weird ppl that thoght it was amazing!
any being (whetther fictional or non-fictional) agree with me?

griffinrider said...

i agree with you! even fictional characters whom i've spoken to agree! Cinderella says that being forced to read those books is the worst thing her stepfamily can make her do, and Little Red Riding Hood would rather be eaten by a wolf than have to go through the traumatic experience of reading Heidi.

Piper said...

I dont know how classic books got published in the first place, so . . . .

Piper said...

hey, where's spp and franky(stein)?

Piper said...

By the way, guys, golda told me to announce to you all that in the spirit of the holidays, she will try to make an effort to be more conformable and accordant. Please, she requested desperatly, just give her a chance to act a little normal.

Golda said...

Guys! I totally agree w/ u! there is writing all over the place. U wouldnt believe it! There is writing all over my fingers, my toenails, my bed, my tongue everywhere, you name it!
You guys are totally right!
Isn't it amazing how we think, like, the exact same thing?
We are like totally, like, so cool!

griffinrider said...

wow, golda. it sounds like you have quite a few tatoos. didn't it hurt to tatoo your tongue? and what does it say? i do wonder.
just as a helpful pointer, saying "like" too many times in one sentence makes you, like, sound, like totally uninteligent, you know? it's like, totally like, whatever, like, you know what i mean?

Golda said...

I totally, like agree w/ u that saying like is like so uncool!

Golda said...

to be honest with you, i have no tatoos but i just wanted to say something that would make me fit into the conversation and everything i do is to no avail!

ImitationRandomFactor said...

meet me. meet me tonight 12 sharp.

ImitationRandomFactor said...

bring me some amazingly horrible books to read while your at it.

mitzvahdolly922 said...

shalom!!! i heard abt this blog & it sounds sooo cute!!!

mitzvahdolly922 said...

omg this is so much fun!!! so what school do u guys go 2?

mitzvahdolly922 said...

i just read this topic! i'm getting the hang of this!
so i agree on this matter - y DO those bks get the newberry award! omg i was also forced 2 read farewell 2 manzanar 2 yrs ago!! OMG !! WHAT IS THE POINT?!!!!!??? oy yoy yoy yoy yoy!!!!!!!!!!!! but maybe u shouldnt say the things u said in the beginning griffinrider cuz u mite hurt the authors' feelings!!!!

4evernameless said...

griffinrider r u plannin 2 rite a new blog soon cuz ur readers r sorta gettin bored!

ImitationRandomFactor said...

I am extremely distraught that you did not meet me last night. I was standing in the cafe for a good three hours past 12 when i noticed that i was the only customer left, except for a mendicant persuading the clerk for a free coffe and a couple in the corner whispering to each other. i sat there for what seemed eternitiy, twiddling my thumbs, humming a tune, and tapping my fingers on the table. After those endless 3 hours I gave up hope. I called a cab to bring me home and waited there till a short while later when the car service arrived. I would very much like to know where on earth you were. I was so angry! Forget about ever meeting me again! And consider yourself lucky if i ever visit your blog again!

krazikid911 said...

oh my goodness, i cant believe griffinrider did that!
and would you please put up a new blog already?

mitzvahdolly922 said...

oh my goodness!!! poor imitationrandomfactor!!!

griffinrider said...

Hey, IRF:
i would've loved to meet you, except you missed out a very important detail in your message: which cafe were you refering to?! i was up the entire night, traveling from store to store. tasting every single type of coffee (Dunkin Doghnuts is the best, by the way)and looking at every single table for you, my dedicated reader. but, at about 2 in the morning, a thought occurred to me- even if i happened to find the right cafe, how on earth was i supposed to know who you are?!
i'm sorry for the inconvinience, agony, and/or grief that may have resulted from this mishap.

sweetpotatopie said...

well how about we all meet for coffee then and we will discribe our selves to u!! well how is that? and boy griffinrider would u werite anoughter blog i am getting alittle"ancy" it is almost 2% painfull to go on this thing. u have almosta 98% chance of losing me! well anyway...........................................................................

griffinrider said...

Hey SPP:
NO! DON'T GO! I NEED YOU! PLEASE! DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

sweetpotatopie said...

well i guess if i haven't left yet i won't leave!! this blog is addicting cause it is ssoo not smart(i didn't want to use a bad word aren't you proud)

griffinrider said...

hey spp:
i'm very proud of you, though i'm insulted all the same. thanks for sticking around. i salute you.

Rain said...

joanna spyri. author of heidi. (i too was forced to read it, and regret every moment of it.) I love her name, hate her book. =]