I Miss You

Wow guys, I miss blogging so much, it hurts!
It's all for the best, though, cuz i'm so busy now that i can't blog, even if i wanted to. I'm at one of those stages in my life where i have to start making big decisions that really matter. it's a scary thing.
Part of growing up is realizing that the choices you make don't just affect you today, but also affect countless other people, and all of your tomorrows.
It's a bit overwhelming, to tell you the truth.
And I always tell you the truth, don't I?
But i digress. My point of this post is just to tell you that i miss you, and to see how your doing. does anyone even remember this blog? will anyone answer? i do wonder.
In the months we've been apart, i've been thinking about how much i enjoyed blogging. i love it that other people can read my words and comment on them, that i can have discussions and debates with so many different types of people. i can't really do anything like that in the "real world". here, there's no reason for anyone not to hear what i have to say, you know? but in the real world, i'm not a person...i'm a mixture of physical appearance, family history, location, religion, etc. etc. in short, people see me as they want to see me, and not as i really am.
to many people, i'm not a person.
wow, this post has turned out a lot longer than i had intended it to be.
i can't believe i just did this. whatever.

Carpe Diem!

Goodbye?

Hi, guys. You're probably wondering why i haven't posted in a while. Well, here's why:
A few people in my community passed away recently, all from different causes- a teacher who was important to me, the father of a girl in my school, a nine-year-old boy...
Anyway, besides saddening me to no end, these tragedies got me thinking about how short life really is. Then i started thinking about all the time i've wasted in my life.
You know, at my funeral, i want people to have things to say about me. I want to fulfill my potential. I want to live my life to the fullest that it could possibly be lived.
I realized that i have a real talent for easting time. During the moments when i could be building worlds, i'm instead playing video games, watching TV, or - yes - blogging.
I don't want to waste my life anymore. a moment is far too precious to waste. i'm spending way too much time blog surfing.
At this point in my life, i think this blog is doing me more harm than good. so i'm going to say good-bye now. and thank you. you guys seriously listen to me more than anyone in my "real world". and that means a lot to me, that people listen, and care enough to comment on things that i've written.
honestly, i don't think this blog is helping me, besides for helping me push off the things i really want to do. i have goals and dreams, and i can't accomplish them by staring at a computer screen.
so goodbye, for now. maybe someday, i'll feel that i need this blog again. but not now.

remember, a minute of life it too precious to waste. so LIVE, and have no regrets.

The Mask

You see what you want to see. This is me. You think
What you see is only a shell, a mask. You don't look beneath it, though I'm pretty sure you know that it's there. Maybe you're scared to. More likely, you like how it makes things so much simpler.
My illusion is your reality.
You take what you see and stick a label on it. Pack it up neatly to be displayed on store shelves. It's perfect, you say.
I'm fine, you believe. Or you tell yourself you believe.
I smile, so you think I'm happy. You never glance a little higher, to the tears in my eyes. I don't let them fall.
I guess some people would say it's my fault. I don't let you see. I'm the one who put this mask on in the first place. But then again, I've been wearing it for so long, I can't even remember who first put it over my face. It was probably me. Though maybe not.
Maybe it is my fault.
But even if I would slip this mask off, you wouldn't see. You'd tell yourself it was still on.
No point. Better to keep the mask on. Better not to say how I feel, how I'm being ripped apart inside, because all I'd get is pitying stares. You'd say I shouldn't be silly. Because to you, the mask is real, and anything beneath it is the illusion.
Better not to show you the knife in my heart. Cover it up. Though there's no point, really. You never look at my heart anyway.
You tell yourself the blood is just water.
If you must know, the one thing I want most is to cry. To feel hot tears roll down my cheeks.
But of course I can't. So I smile instead. I laugh. I'm happy, I shout to the world. Don't worry about me, I'm perfectly fine.
But I cry on the inside.
And the tears fall on my heart, adding salt to the gaping wounds.

What do you think of this?:

"All the we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream."
-Edgar Allen Poe

Anyone care to explain?

Finally!

I usually don't talk about current events much on this blog, but one thing has been bothering me for a while now. I think it's time to talk about it.

As I hope you know, Israel is currently at war in Gaza, trying, among other things, to destroy some terrorist organizations.

In my opinion, it's about time.

I was surprised to find out that my opinion differs with what seems to be most of the world's. It looks like most people think that Israel has no right to invade Gaza, that they are totally in the wrong.

As I'm sure you are aware, terrorists have been firing missles into several Israeli cities, most notably Sderot, constantly, for the past six years or so. I don't know if you understand what that means.

Basically, it means that when the people of these cities hear the warning sirens, they have fifteen seconds to run to the safety of a bomb shelter. And this happens constantly. I still don't think you understand. I know I don't. It's one of those things that you can't understand unless you experience it firsthand.

And yet, the entire world is condemning Israel, saying they're not right in finally fighting back to protect their innocent civilians. I wonder, would Americans be so quick to condemn this if it was, say, Los Angeles that was being bombed daily? Or Chicago? Or Manhattan?
Would our government stand by and watch while terrorists destroy civilians?
If it would, then there is a huge problem here. The point of the government is to protect its people. If America would not let terrorists kill its people, then how can it expect Israel to do that?
The terrorists are a bunch of cowards. They run into hospitals and hide behind their sick and weak.

Terrorism in Israel has been going on for years. Isn't it time that they finally fight it?
How can anyone say that is wrong?

Random Quote of the Day

"The opposite of war isn't peace, it's creation."

-Rent

It's In Your Hands

No matter what anyone says, YOU have the power to decide who you are.
Who you are today does not have to be who you are tomorrow. YOU have the power to change yourself.
I hate it when people say, "I can't help being a jerk. It's who I am. Take it or leave it."
Well, if there's a problem with who you are, change yourself! You can be whoever you want to be, for better or worse.
Changing your personality is one of the hardest things in the world, because it's changing a part of who you are. It can take a lifetime. And once changed, you can always lapse back into your original state in less than a second. It takes no longer than a blink of an eye to undo decades' worth of effort.
But I believe change is possible.
People talk about changing the world. But we can't all change the world. In fact, it is very nearly impossible to change one other person at all. We change others by changing ourselves. Remember that.
I believe that we all have so much potential we're not using. I believe we all have incredible strengths hidden within us.
No matter what people tell you you are, no matter what they call you, it is up to YOU to decide who you are now, and who you will become.
The power is in your hands.
Will you let go of it, give it to others? Let them decide who you are? Let them tell you to be a good person or a bad person?
Or will you use the power yourself, for yourself, to be the best YOU that you can possibly be?

Starving for Beauty

To all the girls in the world:
I am writing this post to ask you, convince you, beg you to listen to what i have to say right now. Most of you probably won't listen, but maybe one or two of you will. Please, please, at least hear me out, ok? Here's the message:
Give it a rest, will you?
Why does it seem that every girl in the world thinks that she is fat? And why is this such a crisis? Why is everyone desperate to have the figure of a Barbie doll?
The beautiful thing about the internet is that I don't know what any of you look like. i can be talking to really thin people or really fat people. i don't know, and i don't care. it doesn't make a difference.
It seems that every girl nowadays, whether she's fat, thin, or average, is obsessed about her weight. People will do anything to lose a few pounds, even if they don't need to. People who are thin will go to extreme measures to make sure that they stay that way. Girls are killing themselves trying to "look good".
I mean that literally. Bulemia and anerexia are so common nowadays, and it's so sad. Please, step back and look at yourself. You put yourself on a diet, "just to lose five pounds", right? But you're never satisfied. You want to lose more, and more, and more. you are striving for an impossible goal. you are trying to look like the super-thin supermodels that are plastered on billboards in their underwear.
why?
what's the point? if you are seriously obese, then sure, lose weight to stay healthy. ut if you are perfectly fine, then try to eat healthy, but PLEASE stop obsessing over your weight. it's driving me CRAZY! the only thing anyone wants to talk about is what they ate that day. people are scared that if they're not thin enough, they'll never get married.
it's really starting to get on my nerves.
Listen, your body isn't you. But it is yours, and it will be for a long time, God willing. Don't you think you should learn to be comfortable with the body you have, instead of going through so much pain to make it look like somebody else's?
Your weight is just a number. You are not a number. You are not your body. And you don't have to be thin to be beautiful.
A smaller dress size is not worth dying over.

A Definition

Responsibility: (noun) The state, fact, or position of being accountable for something

Does this word sound familiar to you? I doubt it. It seems to me that nobody is willing to take responsibility for his own actions.

Say some guy, i don't know, steals from someone. His parents are shocked. "Our Johnny would never do that! It's not his fault. He got mixed up with a bad crowd."
Notice, however, that the bad crowd didn't rob. Johnny did.

A girl is acting obnoxious. "No, you can't blame her! She had a rough childhood."

OK. Of course, the fact that Johnny was hanging out with the wrong kids, and the girl had a "rough childhood" contribute greatly to the fact that they weren't acting morally. But is that the sole reason?

Someone once asked me, along with a group of people, if we thought the Nazis could be completely blamed for what they did. A you could imagine, this sparked a heated debate.
It is true that, from a young age, German children were told, over and over again, that Hitler's way was the right way. That the Jews, and anyone else who was different, was evil and subhuman and believed to be murdered. It is true that not obeying the Nazi party meant almost certain death.
This is all true. And yet...to say that the Nazis can't be blamed for what they did? I'm not saying that if i was in their situation, i wouldn't have done what they did. It would have been incredibly hard not to. But it would be possible. I have proof of that- there were people who didn't listen to Hitler, who did everything in their power to save innocent lives.

I'm sorry, but anyone who says the Nazis can't be blamed is gravely mistaken. If the Nazis can't be blamed for the Holocaust, who can? Was it all Hitler? As the saying goes, you can't be a king without a country. Hitler couldn't have done anything if nobody went along with him.

So yes, our environment, family, and peers do, to a large extent, affect our actions. But when it comes down to it, we make our own decisions. No one can force us to do anything. We all have free will; we all make our own choices.

Johnny decided to rob a store. He should be held responsible.
The Nazis decided to murder millions of innocent people. They should be held responsible.

Whatever choices you make, you are held responsible for. Don't try to push the blame on anything else or anyone else. After all, that may be what caused the Holocaust in the first place.

Some Thoughts Bouncing Around My Brain Socket

How do we know what's real? Just because we see it? If we see it, does that mean it really exists, or can it be some illusion we conjure up in order to fit the world into our preconceived notions and borders?
And if we don't see it...does it not exist? That doesn't make much sense to me.
Is fantasy real? Is that an oxymoron? But to say that it's fake is to deny its existence, which is a lie. Or is it?
Some people like to label everything,classify it, pin it down into a category. Can that be done with everything? Can that that be done with anything? Is there any person or thing in the world that you can understand so completely that you are capable of classifying it like that? And if not, if everything is so complex that you cannot even begin to understand the essence of it, why do you always try to label it?
Why must every person be labeled? Are they so simple that everyone fits into some category? Or are humans so complex that one can't even begin to comprehend himself, let alone another person?
Does all this labeling make us confuse reality and illusion? Do we think something of someone just because of the label that we ourselves have stuck onto him? Do illusions even exist at all? Or are illusions illusions themselves?
If i think something is right, does that make it right? For me or for anyone else?
If i think someone is a certain way, do i make him that way by implying to him that he should be that way, even subconsciously, without realising it?
Does what i do determine who i am? and if it doesn't, what does?
Can i be blamed for everything i do? and if i can't, then who does the blame fall on?

I don't seem to be sure about anything anymore.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Guess what? Today is this blog's first birthday! Wow. It seems like only a year ago when i started posting.
...Wait. It was only a year ago. That's what i just said. OK, well, this is turning out to be a bit of a strange post. Sorry about that; i'm in a strange mood.
Anywho, as a birthday present for TO KNOW IS NOTHING, TO IMAGINE IS EVERYTHING, I have decided to let you, my faithful readers, choose the next topic that you want me to post about. Well? Any ideas?...
Just as an interesting note, there is not one single person who stuck with this blog for the entire year. i find that sad. i wonder if anyone's gonna stay here until next year? I keep making new blog friends, but i keep losing old blog friends, too. Here are some of the people who were here in the beginning:
sweetpotatopie
golda
bassrunner
miimaker
mella (she's actually back now! yay!)
beachbum (where did she go?!)
star

and lots of others....

yup. so, have a great day, and don't forget to wish the blog a happy first birthday!

(and i'll happily accept birthday money. cash, please.)

One of My All-Time Favorite Poems

There will come soft rains and the smell of the ground,
And swallows circling with their shimmering sound;

And frogs in the pool singing at night,
And wild plum trees in tremulous white;

Robins will wear their feathery fire,
Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;

And not one will know of the war, not one
Will care at last when it is done.

Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree,
If mankind perished utterly;

And Spring herself when she woke at dawn
Would scarcely know that we were gone.

-Sara Teasdale

A Brother's Advice

One day, my older brother was giving me a ride somewhere. It was a few years ago, but the memory is incredibly vivid. He suddenly pulled over, turned off the gas, and looked at me. It was a bit random, and I was very funcuzed.
Then he turned to me, his huge blue eyes piercing right through my body. "Let me give you a piece of advice," he said.
This was all very weird, because he's not the "let's randomly have a really deep conversation" type. At first, i thought he was about to crack some sort of joke (he does do that a lot.)
"Seriously," he continued, a bit awkwardly, his hands still gripping the steering wheel, "if you never remember a single other word i say, just remember this: If you are feeling so low down, so lost, if you feel that things can't possibly get any worse, then they have to start getting better."
It seems like a simple statement, but it's not. it is something so profound, so uplifting, that i have found myself returning to this memory again and again, every time i'm feeling down.

because it gives me hope.

my brother has gone through a whole lot. i'm not going into details, of course, but trust me on this one. on that car ride, i suddenly glimpsed the one thought that kept him going throughout it all. my brother is strong. this is why.
"if things can't get any worse, they have to start getting better."
I'm an optimist at heart, but sometimes, when you're lost in the darkness, it's easy to give up. but whenever i return to my brother's words, i feel renewed strength. it reminds me of one of my favorite quotes of all time:

"WHEN IT GETS DARK ENOUGH, YOU CAN SEE THE STARS."

-LEE SALK

Until

Until all hate, war, prejudice, jealousy, racism, and injustice are eradicated, we cannot call ourselves civilized.

Smart People

We are humans.
Well, at least i'm a human, and i'm assuming you are, too. but on this blog, you never know, so maybe i shouldn't generalize.
anywho, so humans have been around for a while, and we've learned how to do pretty incredible things. i mean, look around you! look at all this incredible technology we have!
We've acquired knowledge. we, well, we know how to do stuff. lots of stuff.
And what have we done with all of this information we have? Made the world a better place? made sure everyone was happy? eradicated crime? and poverty? and injustice?
yeah, right.
the single thing that we humans do best is kill eachother. it used to be, if you wanted to kill someone, you had to go over to him and run him through with a sword. no longer. we're not in the Dark Ages anymore! we're sophisticated now! civilized! we would never look a fellow human in the eye, then spear him. of course not! we wouldn't dream of it. that is savage behavior.
Now, all we have to do is press a button. we see a distant cloud of smoke on the horizon. we don't look a man in the eye, or see his body lying on the floor. we don't even hear a scream.
But we just wiped out an entire city.
Nowadays, we have the power to destroy our entire planet. we have the knowledge to crush continents.
it's kind of sad, don't you think? we have so much knowledge. there's so much we can be doing with it, and yet...this is where it brought us. to destruction. the poisoning of the planet and the genocide of the people. this is where all of our brilliant minds and incredible inventions and vast knowledge has brought us.
You know, instead of spending so many millions of dollars sending men to the moon and putting robots on mars, i think we should be a little more concerned with finding intelligent life on this planet.

Another little thing to ponder

Do we make the choices we make because of our personalities?
Or are our personalities defined by our choices?
That is, does what we do define who we are?
And if it doesn't, what does?

Quote of the Day

"I CAN'T GO BACK TO YESTERDAY-

I WAS A DIFFERENT

PERSON THEN."

- LEWIS CARROL

WE CAN'T CHANGE THE PAST.

BUT WE CAN

CHANGE THE

FUTURE.

P.S. Please check out my latest comment on the previous post.

If you had to choose...

Ignorance is bliss. Knowledge is power. I wonder which is better?

Are You Blind?

People argue with eachother occasionally. We can't all agree on everything all the time, so sometimes we argue about our opinions. Perfectly reasonable, right?
But have you ever been in one of those arguments, when the other side is being so stubbornly stupid that you just want to shake him? slap some sense into him?
Well, i have been in that situation, in any case. I don't know about you.
A few days ago, my friends, who live in a different town than i do, were complaining that their town made a new law- soon, recycling would be mandatory.
"That's great!" i exclaimed. for years, i had wondered why that town never recycled, and i was thrilled to hear that they would finally begin. My city had been recycling ever since i could remember, and i love being a part of the effort to save our planet.
but these kids just don't get it.
"I don't have time to worry about these things," someone said.
HUH?
i have several problems with this. i certainly hope you do, too.
OK, first of all, "time"? what time is involved here? is it really so time-consuming to put a piece of paper into a recycling bin? is it really so exhausting to throw a plastic bottle into a separate bag than the rest of the garbage?
they were complaining as if there was actual effort involved here.
what irked me most of all was that these people weren't only lazy. they really just didn't understand the big deal.
they couldn't visualize the mountains of garbage that we are running out of room for.
they didn't see the big deal if a few thousand species of animals were totally wiped off the planet.
they couldn't care less about the fact that where there was once vast forests, alive and green and full of beauty, there is now nothing but barren emptiness.
they didn't care about the streams that once ran down mountainsides, beautiful and life-giving to so many creatures, is now nothing but a polluted, mud-filled puddle that nothing could possibly survive in.

they couldn't visualize the future planet that their children will inherit- totally empty of beauty. so full of garbage that there's no room for growth. the ozone layer so depleted that it's impossible to walk outside without getting fried.

WHY?

It's because of people like this that our planet is in such bad shape. people who just don't care.

Don't they have eyes?
Of course they do. the problem is, they simply never bothered to look around.

How do I know...

...that I am not living a lie?
...that I am who I want to be?
...that what I'm doing is right?
...who I can trust?
...where to go?
...that I am not a faker?
...if I love him?
...that my tears will ever stop?
...that I make a difference?
...that you care?
...if I am making the right choices?
...whether I am lost, or if I'm on the right track and just don't know it?
...that you are not lying to me?
...that I am not lying to myself?
...if you can help me?
...when to go, and when to stop?
...what I'm supposed to be doing?
...that I am not alone?
...Myself?